Caring too much what others think

I wish i didn't care so much what other people think of me. it is better than it used to be but still it is something I have to work on. I guess it is maybe a little hard at the moment because I have to be around people who are indifferent or maybe don't even like me that much. this makes me think it must be something about me they don't like. I have a son who is 4 years old and an only child. i feel a lot of guilt about that but unfortunately we cannot give him a brother or sister as it just doesn't happen. I don't want him to be lonely and so try to arrange a lot of playdates for him. This means that I have to try and get along with the parents of kids he likes. A lot of these parents are people that I would not choose as friends if it weren't for my son. i mean I like things about them but just it appears they are not that enthusiastic about me. They like me OK but generally we don't gel like good friends do. I feel like the one who makes most of the effort too, phoning, arranging things and making most of the conversation when we are chatting. Sometimes I feel that if I don't say something then there will be long silences. I kind of take it personally that after almost 4 years of knowing some of these people there is still this indifference even though I feel I have made a lot of effort with them. Then sometimes i see that the ones who make the least effort are the ones that the others are interested in - if that makes sense. One of the guys who hardly makes any effort has one of the women who is indifferent to me pursuing him and his wife for things to do - even though he couldn't care. Then there is the obvious case of this woman and her husband not having much to say around me but bursting with conversation when she is around this other woman. I can only put it down to me being a bit socially anxious and caring too much what these people think. I guess the truth becomes a bit of a blur sometimes and i forget that these people are only really contacts and not really friends. I wanted them to be friends but after flogging a dead horse for long enough you have to get honest. If it weren't for my son I wouldn't bother with them but I am afraid he will be alone a lot if I don't make these efforts. Its is frustrating - hvaing to be around these people - knowing they don't really like you that much but seeing they like others so much more. It leaves me feeling like it is something about me that is unlikeable. If only i could just get it straight in my mind that it doesn't matter if they don't like me and that I don't have to think of them as friends, more business contacts. But I am someone who cares too much what people think of me anyway. I sometimes feel it when a complete stranger gives me a negative look. I have thought before that it is because they can see something about me that is unlikeable and that is why they gave me that negative or judgemental look. However, it is so great when I do see or hear from my real friends, the ones who like you for who you are and are always pleased to see and hear from you. Its so easy with them. I guess I have to get a better perspective on the situation - i have this underlying low self esteem that is influenced by other peoples opinions of me - so i have to keep reminding myself that i do not have to make these people like me. i will be able to handle what comes along even if I don't have their kid as a contact for my kid, I'll find others and he won't be alone. I do have friends that appreciate me for who I am. Also, I don't really like things about these people and would not choose them as good friends so why am I so hard on myself - that they don't like me as a good friend either. Think of them as business contacts - I need their business so should keep up the pleasantries and keep on their good side. No point acting offended by their behaviours as this may cause me to lose the contact. I need to keep reminding myself od this so I can create a distance between what these people think of me and what I think of myself.